This Was The Angriest Moment of My Marriage
My Husband Had Never Lost His Temper in 36 Years Until This Happened
I didn’t think I should be blamed for trying to keep my marriage together. When I look back now, I realize it was a hopeless ploy. It was the one time I saw my husband totally lose his temper since I met him in 1979.
In our 28th year of marriage he told me we were going to have an open marriage because he thought it might help him improve our connection that had been severely weakened when I had a stroke in 1999. His being “in a relationship” with drugs in the stroke’s aftermath deepened the divide.
Without being given a choice in the matter, I reluctantly agreed to the arrangement. If he was going to do it anyway as he said he would, I went along with it in an effort to do whatever it took to save the marriage.
Within a week he was in bed with a woman in Colorado he had met on business in 2014 despite claiming he didn’t have anyone in mind for the new arrangement.
I had met her once when he invited her to join us at our vacation place. He thought she and I might be friends. I knew it smelled very fishy, but played along. We exchanged phone numbers that weekend.
When it was clear she was going to be his new relationship, I thought for a second she might respect an unwritten code among women where we leave other women’s men alone if they are married or otherwise in a committed relationship.
I knew my husband had given her his line of bullshit about how we had an agreement where it was ok for us to fool around with other people, and he had been unhappy in the marriage for years due to our failure to “resonate” anymore. He had been resonating with narcotics for years so of course we were disconnected.
I’m sure he didn’t mention that he had told me we would have this arrangement whether I agreed to it or not.
I thought she should know where I stood on the issue so she could make more of an informed decision about getting involved with a man who was married to a disabled woman with 2 children who lived 2,000 miles away even if he assured her it would be completely cool with me.
So I texted her. I sent her an adorable photo of my husband and I standing on the deck of the lake house where I had met her. I said “I don’t know what Dirk told you, but I want to keep this together.”
They had the strong pull of new relationship energy working for them. My husband had been with me exclusively since he was 19 years old. I knew he had been unhappy in the marriage for a long time. Now there was someone new and exciting (and 14 years younger) in his life.
We had plans to attend a friend’s charity event that night. I was ready to go when my husband got home from work.
He stormed into the house with smoke coming out of his ears. I said something to the effect that we had to leave with the hour.
“I’m not going.” he said.
I gave him a confused look and asked what the problem was.
“You know what you did. Someone texted a message to E.”
“Oh, that.” I said. “I was just telling her how I feel.”
He was furious. I had never seen such anger from him in 36 years. It almost felt like he might get violent. He adamantly refused to go to the event with me. I was shocked he would bail out at the last minute and expect me to go alone.
But I did. He had calmed down some when I returned three hours later. He still told me how mad he was and pointed out I had agreed to the arrangement.
As he was still living in the house, I wanted to try more traditional means of saving the marriage. He wasn’t having it.
With the perfect clear vision of hindsight, I can see how an established relationship couldn’t keep him away from pursuing something new because he was too far gone.
I’m not sure what was going on with E that would make it so easy to disregard another woman’s plea to leave her husband alone. Their relationship lasted 2 years. After 6 months, I gave my husband the option of making me his primary relationship, or getting out of my house.
Shortly thereafter, he moved into our vacation home.