This Is What Happened When My Boyfriend’s Profile Showed Up on OKCupid
Swipe, swipe, swipe. One right, two left. The new rythym of dating. I took my profile on OKCupid down shortly after becoming involved with Rex almost 18 months ago. We initially connected on the dating app, and things progressed fairly quickly between us. We often joked about how glad we were to have gotten off the dating site.
Rex and I never explicitly defined our relationship as in agreeing that we would be exclusive or monogomous. It just sort of worked out that way for about a year. I went on a few dates here and there with some old connections I had made before Rex and I met. I told him about most of these dates. He understood that I was not ready to commit to anyone since I had only been single for a very short time. I married my first boyfriend when I was 23. That lasted until I was 52.
In a not unpredictable progression I became disillusioned with Rex last fall. I thought there must be a “bigger, better deal” out there for me somewhere.
I created a new profile on OKCupid and quietly started swiping. I made a few connections that led to a meeting. I enjoyed meeting some new people and going to new places. I did not find the bigger better deal. In fact, the more I went online, the more I remembered all there is to hate about it: the bullshit, flakiness. Rex started to look like the best deal.
I kept my online profile active but backed down from looking at the website so much and messaging people. Until late last week, that is.
I was mindlessly swiping through my matches on the app on my phone when Rex popped up. It was a little shocking. I quickly got a little scared that if I had seen him, he had seen me. Oh well. Maybe this was good. If he was prowling for a bigger better deal, too, he would be in better shape if I found one first and stopped seeing him.
I figured there were 2 possible reasons I was seeing him back online. He was either doing the same thing I was or just checking to see if I was back online.
As with most everyone in their 50’s, we are deeply flawed individuals with a lot of heavy baggage. From his perspective, if he’s looking for a wife, I would have to go through a lengthy divorce for that to be possible since I am still legally married but separated.
I noted with discomfort the parts of his profile that said he likes hiking, biking and swimming. I am only able to swim. My husband checked out of the marriage mostly because I became disabled in 1999 from a stroke. It was another devastating loss. I don’t know if I could deal with being rejected on that basis again. But I’m projecting, imagining things, and making assumptions. So I’ll stop.
In another imaginary scenario, maybe Rex inadvertently reactivated his profile. To say he is not tech savvy would be an understatement.
I carried on with Rex over the weekend as if I had seen nothing. It was his birthday on Saturday. I wasn’t sure if there was an elephant in the room with us.
I have had no reason to expect to see Rex back online. I’m not actively looking around for now.
I’m going with “what’s good for the goose is good for the gander.” If I can do it, so can he. Maybe we have defined our relationship.
Thank you for reading :)