Things I Brought With Me on my Return From Temporary Insanity
It lasted about four months. We connected online in the usual way with witty messages. I was impressed by his PhD. His looks weren’t impressive, but simply acceptable. He was seriously geographically undesirable; living in one of the city’s most distant, congested and inaccessible boroughs. We woud not be able to easily meet for coffee or a drink. The first mistake I made was believing he could be a match for me based on how smart he sounded while texting. When I regained my sanity, I realized someone in my phone may not be real.
Copious, frequent texting should probably have been a red flag. But, initially it was very exciting. I looked forward to the next witty or funny thing he had to say, and tried to keep up myself. He worked from home as an online college professor so he had a lot of time to waste composing these impressive messages. My next mistake was allowing myself to feel like I was going to have a relationship with him based on our conversations. So, I got too comfortable and sent him nudes. For entertainment, I often sent a link to some music.
I had an event I wanted to attend through my horseback riding facility and thought it would be a nice date with him. The only problem was he lived so far away to come to see a movie under the stars then head home. The next mistake was setting this up as an overnight date at a nearby Inn. We had never met. My mind was slipping into the abyss of imaginary love where things seem perfect because there is no basis in reality.
The event was rained out sparing me the awkward situation I had set up for myself. I was pretending I was more of a grown up than I was.
Our first actual date was at a diner for lunch. It was about two hours of intelligent conversation. At the end of the date, he said “You look good.” while seeming to study my face. Later, I wondered if he might fall somewhere on the Autism spectrum because of his seemingly inappropriate communication style. I went home and didn’t let the lack of spark and sparkle mar this perfect, unreal relationship.
For my next mistake, I invited him to join me for a weekend at my place at the lake. I didn’t know him. I was recovering from surgery and was anxious to see how I would do as far as getting my groove back in bed. I was sure he would cooperate with me on this.
Sure enough, he drove two hours to meet me at the lake. We didn’t seem to have as much to talk about when we weren’t texting. He wasn’t that funny IRL, either.
I was uncomfortable with the lack of familiarity in my lake house where I had only spent weekends with a few men I had been in long term relationships with. Now, I was there with a virtual stranger. I didn’t feel unsafe, only awkward. He had brought his laptop so he could spend some time working on some super important project. As I watched him work, I thought he looked like an alien. I didn’t know how to check for this.
The illusory connection I thought I had with him magically disappeared when we tried to spend the weekend as lovers. There was a shaky foundation, at best, for the relationship.
We went out for a nice dinner in town. The conversation would have been more lively if we texted, I think.
I suppose we had what is known as casual sex. I saw that I was getting my groove back in bed, but it wasn’t any big thrill. Maybe his biggest flaw as a lover was he was a bad kisser.
I was glad when the weekend was over and chalked it up. He texted me for a few more weeks, then moved to another state.
At first I was shocked that he just disappeared, then I came to my senses and remembered that we didn’t have a relationship.
It was just a case of temporary insanity. I’m grateful for all of it because I think by having been sick with this once, I may have built up an immunity.
Thank you for reading:)