These Things That I Must Do
Resistance is futile. It isn’t possible for me to just be like everyone else. Not everyone is compelled to write down stories as they happen, or to simply make one up and write it down. I often feel like I am writing in blood; bleeding words, thoughts and feelings onto the page. I feel that doing this is necessary. It would be foreign to me not to feel this way. I can think of worse afflictions.
I also don’t feel like I have much choice when music is playing. My young sons always ask if I have to sing because they find it annoying. The simple answer is “Yes, I do.” I need to sing, and if it bothers you, then you can leave the room. I also sing even if there is no music playing. It makes me happy. Happy people sing. I’m lucky to have my voice and my brain in working order.
Even though I have a movement disorder from the stroke, I am still compelled to dance. I was a trained dancer when I was young. That makes it more tragic that I am limited now as far as movement. Dancing is simply a part of the essence if who I am even if I look ridiculous now when I try. I have weakness and spasticity on my left side. I am a master at head bobbing.
My natural tendencies to write, sing and dance have not been killed by my disability. They remain as part of the affliction.
Thank you for reading :)