Many of us struggle to “be in a relationship”, meaning a romantic partnership. The less narrowly we define the word relationship, the more we will find ourselves in them.
Through searching online for “the one”, I have found many. I am now not sure there is a “one” for me. I don’t think anyone can fulfill all of our needs. In not being sure about this, I suppose I’ve become ethically non-monogomous.
I met a bartender online. On paper, he’s a great catch: handsome, financially secure, smart, owns his home. My idea of having a relationship with him never matched his. He wants to have friends who have sex with him where I was looking for a more traditional romantic partnership where we do more than that together.
Since I met him, I have had a few of these traditional partnerships. I only see the bartender a few times per year. We text each other more regularly as if we are in high school; shamelessly flirting and chatting about nothing. It’s good, clean fun.
The last time I saw him, I realized we have been “in a relationship” for five years. That technically makes it long term. It’s not the exact kind of thing I was looking for, but it has lasted longer than most others.
If we think about all the relationships we enjoy, we can take what’s good from each of them and perhaps see we don’t necessarily need to have that one partnership we hoped to have.