On Accepting Reality
“It is much easier to ride a horse in the direction it is going.”— Abraham Lincoln
We often resist the way things are. I know I fought getting separated from my husband for a long time. When it became inevitable, I reluctantly went with the flow. I think (but don’t know) that I could have stayed married until death. Instead, I am slowly but surely moving on.
My good friend asked me last night how I would be spending Christmas. I told her I am going to a party on Christmas Eve at my brother in law’s house with my boyfriend where my husband will be in attendance with his girlfriend. Both of our sons will be there, as well. My parents were invited, but my mother declined saying she isn’t “Up to seeing any girlfriends yet”. She is incredulous that I am planning to go.
I explained to my mother that this is the way things are now and I plan on keeping a positive attitude. I could harbor ill feelings toward my husband, and let them spoil my peace of mind. I am choosing not to do that although there are some very negative emotions there. I don’t really like him anymore which is fine since we aren’t going to be together. I explained to Mom that I can spend time with him as family, especially for the sake of our sons. We have known him for 40 years. My parents spent Thanksgiving at my house with my husband here. They have avoided seeing him since the separation. It was a pleasant day. It was a step in the right direction for my parents. They don’t have to like him, but he will always be a part of this family like it or not.
I was reminded of that famous quote by Abraham Lincoln, popularized by Werner Erhard of est in the 1970’s as I was looking forward to the holidays with my “Modern Family”. The visions I may have had for family Christmases are outdated. It is much easier to ride a horse in the direction it is going.
Thank you for reading :)