I recently read in an old love advice column that the trick is, after you realize a man is a mistake, you must move on to making better mistakes. “If you’re not making mistakes with men, you’re not trying anyone new”.Sometimes the trickiest part is owning that you have indeed made a mistake then figuring out how to stop it.
There are the big, obvious mistakes such as carrying on with an alcoholic or an addict much longer than they were worth. All we have is our time, and wasting any of it with someone who can’t or won’t be healthy for us long term is indeed a large mistake. Fortunately, it isn’t all that difficult to end this type of mistake because telling someone that you aren’t willing to continue to engage with someone who has an addiction actually makes sense, and even though they would be hard pressed to argue, they well might, but in the end, you win. Hands down.
There are more subtle mistakes that aren’t as easy to stop. These are the ones where we convince ourselves something or someone is something or someone they are not. We see what we want to see and ignore some reality.
I lead myself to believe I was connecting with someone who was totally upfront with me about having a girlfriend in another state. He presented very clearly as “polyamorous”. I told myself I was fine dealing with this since I had no plans to start a totally monogomous relationship at this stage of my life. I intentionally neglected to ask the uncomfortable questions about the seriousness of this other girlfriend. I mean, I’m cool, aren’t I? I proceeded to communicate every day with this man. I spent a weekend with him. I thought I liked him, but he wasn’t real. He was just a guy in my phone whom I happened to meet IRL.
Then, I was shocked and surprised when he “ghosted” me, and posted something online about moving to the state where the girlfriend lived. Fortunately for me, he ended this mistake. Now I feel free to try some new mistakes. Happy ending. :)