Sometimes I say things and wonder afterward if I actually said that out loud. Or, the words just sound wrong and I spend time laughing at their seeming meaning. I can easily miscontrue stuff other people say in order to make it seem funny. If we’re not laughing, we’re dead.
Due to an unusual home sharing arrangement with my husband from whom I am separated, he planned to stay in my guest room for the weekend to visit our sons and continue to pack up his things. We usually alternate weekends between our marital home and our vacation home. We generally entertain our boyfriends/girlfriends at the vacation home in order to spare our sons the discomfort of living with their parents who are now sleeping with someone other than each other. Weirdsville. I guess we’re lucky our sons aren’t much interested in going to the lake house anymore.
The past two weekends were rife with awkward conversations, funny misunderstandings, and quick retorts related to my atypical marital status and living arrangements.
While at a spa with my boyfriend enjoying facials, I overheard the provider making small talk with him about all the usual things like who he was staying at the spa with, whether he was married, etc. Loud and clear, I heard him reply, “Well, she’s married”. Evidently he had shared he was staying with me, and he wasn’t married. The provider made a remark to the effect of “I guess they are trying to figure it out”. My boyfriend didn’t want to get into the whole story so he offered a brief explanation. I sat quietly and laughed very hard to myself. I’m aware that destination spa staff have seen and heard it all, but I’m still hearing new things.
Fast forward to the next weekend, and the husband said he was planning to stay in the guest room for the weekend. My boyfriend had an important appointment on Saturday that he couldn’t miss so we didn’t go to the lake house. We had a date Friday night at a concert. On Thursday night, he suggested an overnight at my house on Saturday since rain was in the forecast and his home is difficult and dangerous for me to walk in and out of in slippery conditions due to my disability and the steep terrain. I asked if he wanted to stay over with my husband here. I told him that I would have to go home to my husband after the concert. He thought I was kidding and had lost track of the weekend home sharing schedule. When we were leaving the concert, I said goodnight and that I was going home to my husband. He asked if he could stay over on Saturday. I reminded him that my husband was there. Awkward.
On Saturday morning my husband began questioning me about my frequent travel plans and whom I would be traveling with. He knew I was at the spa with my boyfriend, and I reiterated that I was going to Italy with my brother. He suggested I find someone who could pay for these trips since my boyfriend is not a man of means nor is my brother. So, I told him “I already did!”. He looked confused for a second, then figured out that I meant him. Next I confirmed it was he who was footing the bill, and that he was a fool. With all of his money, he could have been the one to be going on all of these trips with me, but he decided to leave three years ago making a fool of himself not being the one to have the privelege of going places with me allowing someone else to go with him stuck with the bills.
After a day of subjecting himself to my unfiltered conversations, he took off to stay at his girlfriend’s house Saturday night. I quickly called my boyfriend, and said “My husband just left, come quick”. He has only stayed here a few times since I hesitate to subject my sons to my romantic life.
He arrived before dinner, and we planned to go food shopping. I asked my sons whether they would be staying home for dinner. I mentioned to my boyfriend that we should plan for food for us, and if my sons joined us, that would be great, even better if they didn’t. He looked a little shocked that I would say that within earshot of my sons. I just said, “did I say that out loud?”
I like to keep communication open, honest and amusing. It’s part of being gifted with language. The truth shall set you free.
One last thing…
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