I Determined My Value. Then Added Tax.
Relationships Will Be On My Own Terms Without Compromising My Values
I caught myself thinking I was being too aggressive about going after exactly what I want. In communicating with more than one man with whom I was considering starting a relationship, I very pointedly asked for things to go the way I want. When there was the inevitable push back, I started to think maybe I shouldn’t be so aggressive. Then I realized that would be something like putting myself on the clearance rack in the dating market. No, I belong under the glass in the locked display cabinet.
In the first instance this week, I’d been chatting with a man on a dating app. It was a shallow chat about not much in particular. He felt the need to point out that he’s “just having fun” for now. I quickly tried to get specific, and asked what that meant even though I knew damn well. He said it would just be “hanging.” I responded honestly, “who doesn’t like hanging and having fun?” That seemed to catch his attention.
When he failed to give me a clear signal about his level of interest in meeting me, I sent my phone number and suggested he call or text me if he wanted to take me out and meet me. The next thing I knew, I saw him block me on the app. I guess I was asking for too much of a commitment too soon. I considered that I was being too aggressive, then decided that I was simply asking for things to go the way I wanted. I don’t need to chit chat forever. You want to take me out or you don’t. Either way is fine.
The other example is still pending, I guess. I met a man last fall and we seemed to have a reasonable connection. We went out three times and it went well. He suggested that we go somewhere together for a day or two to see how it goes. He offered to take me to a resort for two nights with “no expectations”, and even said we could get two rooms if I wasn’t comfortable sharing. It sounded like fun and I agreed. Life got in the way of this actually coming to fruition. He was getting divorced and selling his house. I had surgery.
We stayed in contact on the phone with him checking in to see if I was still interested in going away. I clearly told him I was. After his house sold, he moved into a Red Roof Inn suite hotel. Our getaway was supposedly still pending.
In response to my “Happy St. Patrick’s Day” text on Sunday, he responded “I realize we’ve been trying to spend at least a day- eve together. If you still have interest and in the spirit of speed rather than planning and waiting you may want to consider joining me this week at my hotel if you have time? Let me know your thoughts.”
After giving this considerable thought, I replied “With all due respect, it sounds as if your offer to get together has been downgraded from a nice getway at a resort to a booty call at a Red Roof Inn. Are we in a rush?” I haven’t gotten a response yet.
I got the impression that I had scared away two decent potential matches by being too direct. On second thought, maybe they are not good matches if they can’t deal with a woman who knows her value, isn’t afraid to ask for what she wants, and isn’t too quick to compromise. I won’t mark myself down.
Thank you for reading :)
