Sergiu Vălenaș for Unsplash

I Decided To Live

I Wasn’t Ready To Die, But I Plan To Be When The Time Comes

My pupils were fixed and dilated in the ER. That means my brain stem functions were starting to shut down that control things like my heartbeat and respiration. I was 6 months pregnant and had a severe cerebral hemorrhage. I was 35.

But that Valentine’s Day in 1999 was not my day to die. A gifted neurosurgeon drilled a hole in my skull, then used a saw to cut a small disk out so he could clean up the part of my brain that was bleeding and if left unchecked, would have surely ended my life. My baby wouldn’t have survived, either. They say miracles happen every day.

I remained paralyzed on my left side, but I was ALIVE. The effects on my cognition and personality were much less pronounced than the physical issues.

I gave birth in the usual way 7 weeks later to a healthy, 5 lb. 6 oz. boy. Another miracle.

My firstborn son was not quite 2 years old when all of this happened. He missed his Mom after she disappeared one day to stay hospitalized for three months.

I was extremely fortunate to recover enough function to be able to walk with a cane and a brace on my leg. I learned how to take care of myself during a 6 week stay in a rehab hospital.