I Am Trying So Hard Not to be an Asshole
“Everyone appreciates your honesty until you are honest with them. Then, you are an asshole”.- George Carlin
I really just want to be worthy of everyone’s love and respect. After all, isn’t loving one another the reason we’re here? I will love and respect everyone until or unless they do something that proves them to be not worthy of my love. This happens in very rare cases. When it does, I am forced to look hard at my own behavior in case there is something I’ve said or done that puts me in the same category. Do unto others, and all that.
Being a wise ass comes naturally to me because I come from a long line of them. I believe some of this tendency stems from having native New Yorkers in my lineage. New Yorkers can be tough. I know, I shouldn’t generalize.
Sometimes it’s hard to not be an asshole to my kids. They are 19 and 21 years old, and they know EVERYTHING. They are indeed very smart, but the fact that I have taken 34 more trips around the sun does give me a slight edge. I try not to use it against them. But all parents know that sometimes we just know by virtue of our age.
I also struggle to not be an asshole to my former husband on occasion. I guess this is a challenge for most couples who are disconnected.
My mother has issues with my husband, too. She is from Brooklyn and speaks her mind freely.
My mom has been sick for the past year with cancer. When my estranged husband was at our vacation home over the 4th of July this year, she told me he was lucky she hasn’t been feeling well because if she felt up to it, she would have driven out there by herself to say hello. She knew this would make him and his girlfriend massively uncomfortable.
I told that story to my boyfriend and he seemed surprised that she would do that. He said, “Wouldn’t that just make everyone really uncomfortable?” I was surprised that he didn’t understand that was the point. He is not an asshole, I guess.
My unusual home sharing arrangement with my estranged husband causes an occasional overlap of him being in my house when my boyfriend comes here to get together to go away for the weekend.
The last time this happened, the dog gave my boyfriend a very enthusiastic greeting. My husband said, “Man, that dog is more excited to see him than she is to see me!”. I quickly quipped, “So am I”. Plain truth. I’m sure it stung a little, but does that make me an asshole? See George Carlin above.
As recently as last Friday, I was on the phone with my sister who was proudly telling me the story of how she had told our cousin off for not being as helpful as she thinks he should in terms of settling his late mother’s estate. The burden has fallen heavily on our mother’s shoulders, and it is irritating. When I asked her what had changed since she told him what she thought, she hung up on me. We normally speak at least once a day. I haven’t talked to her since. I know this is her issue because I have been trying really hard not to be an asshole.
Thank you for reading. :)
