I was driving early on a Friday afternoon to rendezvous with a man I see maybe once a year for sex. I had a date for the weekend with a man I’ve been seeing for over a year. In the mind wandering way that comes with driving, it occurred to me that maybe some women would feel “cheap” under these circumstances. I wondered what that term actually means. What was cheap about sharing my body with more than one person? I know the men I am involved with don’t see me that way. In fact, they see my value. In that moment, I did, too. I refused to let my lifestyle choices define my value as a person.
In doing my research, I came across at least 3 criteria that would define a woman as cheap:
- she will have sex with you before she marries you
- she will sleep with you on the first date
- she will accept your first marriage proposal
Since I had sex with the only man I ever married before we were married, and accepted his first marriage proposal then I guess I am forever marked as cheap. Since that marriage ended in separation, not divorce, I won’t be able to marry anyone else. So, it looks like I am likely to continue to have sex with men without marrying them since I am still married to someone else. Am I getting cheaper by the minute?
I noticed in the course of my research that there is no equivalent term for men in the usual double standard that applies. If someone calls a man “cheap”, it is derogatory but in a very different way. His morals are not being questioned; he is just overly frugal, or maybe a “cheapskate”.
I might have sex with you before I marry you. I probably won’t sleep with you on the first date. I don’t think I will accept a first marriage proposal again. I won’t feel “cheap”. I will always know my own value.
Thank you for reading :)