A Story About How the Truth Can Set You Free
It’s Better if we Have Nothing to Hide
I left my phone on the table and went to the restroom. When I returned, Rex handed me the phone, and said “I was using your flashlight. And Sue texted that that picture was cute. And Alexander liked and messaged you onOKCupid.”
I took a few seconds to be embarrassed, then made light of all of it. I hadn’t mentioned that I had gone back online.
Here is some backstory:
I’d been feeling a tad guilty about my online, discreet adventures, but I knew I wasn’t doing anything wrong. It’s just that we had grown so close it seemed like this would be a part of my life I would share with him. But, I hadn’t.
We made a few slightly uncomfortable jokes as we left the restaurant. Neither of us mentioned it for the rest of the night. I debated internally about whether I should read him the story I wrote after I saw his profile online, but I knew it could upset him. I waffled between wanting to tell all and just leaving things alone. I left it alone for the night.
I thought of a shorter version of my story that might suffice:
I am 55 years old.
You are only my third boyfriend.
I don’t want to fuck up what we have.
I am an adventurous woman.
I am back to online dating looking for adventure.
I thought he would be able to handle that story but I was afraid to lay it all on the line.
I kept my mouth shut until the next day when we were sitting by the fire and I was reading my stories to him. We got on the subject of OKCupid, so I mentioned I had a good story about that for him. Having a story that you’ve already written for a given situation is a peculiar upside to being a writer.
I prefaced it with the following: “We hate when people talk too much at open mike night about their performance, they should just sing their song or tell their story. But I have to talk some about this story before I read it. I just want you to know that whatever you think about this, I don’t want to fuck up what we have.”
I then read that story in its entirety aloud. I was immediately glad that I did. It was such a relief to get it all out in the open.
HIs response was “I already knew all about that.” “I saw that you were back online last fall.” “I loved that new picture of you where you were coming up the ladder at the lake.” “I’m not looking for a wife, I already have someone else’s and that’s fine.”
He told me that he had never deactivated his account, but had stopped using it. He was obviously back online if he had seen my profile. This was a relief. We treat each other well, we have a good time, and we continue to maintain a presence on a dating site.
The best part was when he added, “I’m not going to tell you what to do.” This was pretty much the outcome I had hoped for.
Apparently, we have defined our relationship.
Thank you for reading :)@ Bonnie Barton
